It is not always a harsh word

A yell, a criticism

Sometimes it is just something understood

Quietly

Quietly understood

This is not allowed here

I am not allowed here

Your identity cannot exist

It waits silently inside

Tossing

Crying

Corroding

Bleeding

Shame, panic, confusion, silence

Silence

Silence

Silence that grows

Until it explodes

Shame lingers

Despair finds a voice

But there are no words

Yet

They have been silenced

They did not have a chance to form

What are they

Who am I

How will I know

What do I say

I can feel a hand upon my mouth

It feels like an enduring pressure

It moves to my eyes and asks me not to see

It moves to my gut and senses the suffering inside

The turmoil and the waves of expelling

Expelling the truth because it is not allowed to exist

It is silenced and must leave

You cannot exist

You say my name with disdain

Your narrative is false

Identity is false

Pain is false

Your purpose is to bring joy

Be silly

Do not speak

Stop moving

Sit down

Quiet

Intense eyes on me

Anger

But where are the words

Words, where are you?

Come to me.

Take me out of the silence

Out.